Just at home

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Tuesday 5th and Wednesday 6th May

These were quite bleak days. Did some of the odd jobs about the house which I can actually manage to do but didn’t really hear from anyone. Seems everyone is just getting on with their own lives. It’s like when you have a death in the family, at first everyone contacts you, asks how you are, maybe visits, then gradually they all fade away and that’s when it really hits you and gets difficult. That’s how I felt on these two days, quite isolated and lonely. I’m definitely stronger than I was but still just can’t do a lot of things and people think you should be doing more (because they no way understand) and are either fed up of helping or haven’t got the time. Difficult times. I guess this is where the mental effects of what I’ve been through takes over from the physical effects sometimes. Anyway I’ll get through it, put it in another box and put it along with the other things that have happened to me in the past, only to be let out now and again, to be thought about or have a good old cry. Then I brush myself down and am ready to start again.

I have read/been told, that I would feel like this some days. I need to start taking myself out. I guess it’s a confidence thing the first time and once I’ve been out alone again there will be no stopping me. Think I might try next week – watch this space …

On Tuesday I went to see my GP just to have a chat about how I was. My sister in law Annette had been keeping him informed as to what had been happening with me (as she works at the surgery). Even though he told me that he didn’t think he would see me ever again! it was good to see him.

On Wednesday I didn’t leave the house all day or evening. Not even into the garden to put some washing out or anything. I had done this on Monday then it poured with rain and was extremely windy so it had blown all over the garden for me to go and try and pick up. That wasn’t easy! And also rather annoying. Back in the washing machine it went.

Glad when these days were over.

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