Ants!

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Monday 13th May

So off we go to the Park & Ride to get a bus to the John Radcliffe Hospital for Robyn’s brain scan (I think they were just checking if she has one in there!)

Not a good start. The traffic in the city was very bad apparently so two of the buses just didn’t turn up! Thankfully we had left ourselves enough time and it was a nice evening so we just sat in the sun until one decided to arrive 🚌

At the hospital we got in the lift to take us down to the very bottom floor and started to walk through the corridors. We passed a few porters pushing cage trolleys and I weirdly started to not like the look of things 😏 We found the waiting room. The man in there was sat behind a closed in desk all made of wood. He was talking to us about the earring that Robyn needed to take out of her ear for the scan but she couldn’t get it out, it was stuck! I felt very strange. I didn’t like being there one bit. We didn’t have to wait too long before Robyn was called in. I sat there for about a minute but then I couldn’t bear it any longer, I felt very upset and just needed to get out. Thankfully I found a little side door which led me outside somewhere, where I sat on the kerb and cried!

I don’t know what on earth was happening but it seemed to me that I was somehow being taken back to some of my hallucinations which I had after my transplants, which I was told afterwards was as a result of all the drugs and toxins in my body.

Maybe I was having one of these – a flashback or involuntary recurrent memory, is a psychological phenomenon in which an individual has a sudden, usually powerful, re-experiencing of a past experience or elements of a past experience. These experiences can be happy, sad, exciting, or any other emotion one can consider. The term is used particularly when the memory is recalled involuntarily, and/or when it is so intense that the person “relives” the experience, unable to fully recognize it as memory and not something that is happening in “real time”

As you are reading this you are probably thinking what on earth is she on about, just pull yourself together and stop being silly, but it was all kind of out of my control.

I have made many hospital visits since having my transplants, for various clinic appointments and when I go up to the ward to volunteer and I have never had that feeling before. I didn’t like it one bit and I hope it doesn’t happen to me again.

While I was sat trying to calm myself down outside I was watching the ants at my feet. I then took this video!

At the time it just fascinated me! And by the way did you know, an ant can lift 20 times its own body weight 🐜🐜🐜

Robyn finished and I was still upset and shaky as we then had to make our way back through the same corridors. We finally made it back to the bus. I was glad to get home.

Sorry Robyn, I was no help to you whatsoever ☹️

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