Rosco and Kate

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Sunday 9th August

A slow start to the morning. Then Gary gave me a lift home with all my bags and suitcase. I found a very hungover Robyn. Leah had already gone out. What a welcome home!

I sat and did nothing and that got me thinking :/ 

While I was on holiday last week I got two bits of terrible news from home. 

On Sunday morning I found out that Rosco, a friend from the town where I live, had died. He had a liver transplant 21 years ago I think it was and had recently become poorly again. He hadn’t really told anyone he was starting to feel unwell. He had been in the Queen Elizabeth and was back on the transplant list. I don’t know the exact details of his illness but very sadly he didn’t make it through 😥 I was gutted.

I first met Kate when she came to visit me when I was in critical care. Before I went in to hospital Robyn had found her blog on the Internet (she had already undergone 3 liver transplants), had been talking to her about my condition and  what we were about to go through and she helped Robyn quite a lot with her questions and worries, so they arranged that they would meet and that she would come and see me after I had my transplant. We then all kept in touch through Facebook, texts and our blogs. Kate became ill again and went back into the QE so when I had my clinic visits there, me and Robyn and Leah would pop up to the ward to visit her. Sadly Kate got worse. She had been ill at home for a while, then a blood clot had formed in her liver which went septic. She went on to the transplant list again and in and out of critical care. While I was walking around Port Isaac on Thursday, from the texts I was getting from Robyn, I knew things were not looking good. My mood changed.

On Friday morning I got the news that Kate had died. No 😥. Devastated. I was literally shaking.

It would have been absolutely awful whenever I heard this news at any time but when I was away on holiday? After hearing the news and having a cry I had to pull myself together and get on with the rest of the day with the others. Difficult times but I hope I did reasonably well :/ I know my head wasn’t good though and I drifted off to other places some of the time 😦

I still feel so guilty. How come things have worked out okay for me so far and not for my friends? It just doesn’t seem fair. I think of their families ALL the time and about what they are going through right now. I told my original consultant from the Horton hospital in Banbury when I saw him and he said ‘well you haven’t had an easy time of it either’.

I’ve now been lucky enough to be able to go to Cornbury music festival and go on holiday to Cornwall. To think I was led in my hospital bed not long ago thinking ‘would I ever be able to walk around normally again like other people are here’. I never thought I would be able to go away to these places. I realise once again how much I owe and how thankful I am to my donors and their families.

It’s hard this liver transplant thing! It’s not just physically that takes a long time to recover. It’s hard mentally too and right now I’m finding that quite difficult …

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