Friday 12th February
Work today. I was very tired and aching from my busy day yesterday, but up I got and off I went.
I really don’t know if I am pushing myself enough at times with the things I now do, or not. Some people say to me ‘you still need to be careful’, ‘are you sure you should be doing that’ and even ‘are you sure you should be back at work’ and then I know there are others thinking why isn’t she working more hours and doing more things yet? I do think about this quite a lot and I get confused and frustrated because I don’t really know which advice I should be taking There’s also the financial side of things that I have to consider too of course. It does all stress me out 🤔
What I do know is that I wasn’t able to do any of these things that I am doing now this time last year. I think this photo is a perfect example of EXACTLY how I was feeling back then.
My life was very tough. I know that it does sound stupid to others, but it really did take all my effort to get out of bed in the mornings. Then whatever tiny thing I managed to get myself to do throughout the day was hard work and just exhausted me.
I felt ill! And now knowing what my liver looked like inside of me at this time, I guess it’s not surprising. It was black and scarred. It just couldn’t take any more of what my own immune system had been throwing at it for many many years. It had given it a good shot I guess.
I was also suffering badly with brain fog. I used to just look at people vacantly when they asked me something, obviously trying to process what they had said, and then eventually I would give them an answer. And then the things I did manage to say came out as complete rubbish 😞
I know my family will say that this part of me hasn’t changed a bit!!!
And now? I am feeling so much better which means I can do things again. I haven’t had a cold for a few weeks now, no Shingles type virus or anything to drag me back down. I still get so very tired and my body’s always aching, if not all over then in one place or another. My head and everything that’s gone on in there mentally is still very far from being recovered, but generally I think I can dare to say (although I am a bit scared to say) that I feel well ??? …