So when my ‘lovely’ daughter gets home from work she takes great delight in telling me what was in the book today that she’s reading at the minute, Liver Transplantation – What does it mean for me and my family. Apparently I am going to grow hair on my face after the transplant, which she found highly hilarious. I have always tried to make the best of myself and look fairly smart (which my niece Hannah will not agree with, because she only ever sees me in what we call ‘my benefit clothes’). So hearing this news fills me with even more dread. I guess I’m being vain but I would like to look half ‘reasonable’ again if I come through the other side of this operation. Looks like I’ll be going to her waxing appointments with her then.

We go for a drink with her friend Lucie. I have my usual tonic water, which I have been living on for what seems like years, but I had some lime and coconut in it. 🍸 Different!! So then she tells me I’m probably going to have night terrors and hallucinations while I’m in Critical Care. She sure is making me feel good today. Who gave her this b***** book!!!

It’s 22 mins past 10 in the evening. I’ve got to go and find some jobs to do …

Want to go to town this morning for a trip out. Weather’s awful. So while I’m waiting I clean my cooker! Eventually venture out. 

Go to a cafe in the town and this is where I am now, writing my blog. It’s very busy. There’s this mother and toddler in there and she is literally screaming at the top of her voice cos she doesn’t want to sit in the highchair. So her mum bribes her with a biscuit, even tho she has a plate of food in front of her to eat, and all is quiet – for now …

I see 2 old ‘friends’. One who offers to come and help look after me when I’m home from hospital. The other invites me to go for a coffee with her.

And there’s my post from a cafe using their wifi !!!! 😀

Tuesday was a repeat of Monday!!!!!

What can I say about today? 

I wasnt with it when I woke up this morning. Took me quite a while to ‘come round’ and was wobbly on my feet stumbling about!! Don’t know what that was all about.

I have plenty of things to keep me busy at home but am feeling very cut off from the normal day to day world and wonder how long I can go on like this for. I need to go out to work and earn some money and have a purpose in life again, but my doctor doesn’t recommend me to go back because he said he could notice the difference in me, from trying to work and juggle everything else, to being slightly more rested.

And that’s all I have to say about today.

Absolutely nothing to say today.

You will have to read http://www.pinnysdaughter22.wordpress.com instead. Robyn’s posts over the last few days have been very funny 😀

Nothing to report today.

Just I went out for dinner and had some Spitroast chicken which was dee-licious. And full of protein so very good for me. Gary was pleased with me for once!!!

Oh and when I got back my ‘lovely’ niece Hannah had bought me some sour sweets. I have a real obsession about these at the minute and everywhere we go I try to find something but their never sour enough. Well I couldn’t even keep these things in my mouth, they tasted like poison! I’m sure she was playing a trick on me 😏

Feeling slightly better this morning. Was very glad about this because I was due to go for a coffee with my sister and my niece. We went into Banbury so first of all I went to sign my will. All done now, one job I can cross off my list. So coffee turned into a pot of tea and lunch and this time I did have a piece of cake Robyn as nanny would have liked. Well I ate some and got a doggy bag for the rest! We did have some funny laughing moments. Like this one – My sisters filling had dropped out the night before. Apparently it left her tooth extremely rough and it was cutting her tongue where she kept fiddling with it. So she was trying to keep a bit of chewing gum there until her appointment to get it sorted later in the afternoon. But the best bit was that the night before she got her cardboard emery board that she uses to do her nails and was trying to file her tooth down 😀 Now really? Am I the stupid one?!! Well that was my fun for Thursday.

This afternoon I had an appointment to have my Hepatitis B vaccine. Needed to help protect me through my transplant procedure and afterwards. I have to have 3 of these, once a month I think it is (unless I get ‘the’ phone call obviously). 

Maybe this weekend …

Woke up feeling terrible. Sick. Just ill feeling. Real hard to get out of bed. When I did I was very wobbly. I discovered I wasn’t in control of my hands and fingers so I did the test on myself that I learnt while as an inpatient in the John Radcliffe hospital back in November. The JR is a teaching hospital and I had many many student doctors examining me as i’m quite an ‘interesting case’. They all did the same tests on me which are typical to liver failure. It’s surprising what you can learn. The test is to outstretch your arms and put your wrists back. A healthy person will be able to hold them still. Someone with end stage liver disease cannot control their fingers and they start to twitch or move uncontrollably. Because I suffer with Hepatic Encephalopathy I was experiencing a tremor which is due I think, in basic terms, to the build up of toxins in my blood. I did not like this at all. Not being in control of your body is VERY scary and I got upset and had a bit of a cry 😢 This horrible tremor thing did get better after maybe a couple of hours or more, but didn’t feel completely right for the rest of the day.

I was planning on going into town with my niece Hannah to get myself out the house today but I just wasn’t up to it 😦 Hannah was kind enough to bring me a sandwich back for my lunch, a very heavy bag of Ensure drinks that needed collecting from my pharmacist and some fruit sherbets 🍬which looked real nice, but they didn’t actually have any sherbet in them Hannah You silly billy 😀

Later, a nice helpful lady rang me back about benefits. I am trying to sort out what I am entitled to, if anything. In my confused state of mind this is so difficult for me to sort and the thought of filling in the forms fills me with dread.

1 daughter downloaded some music and stuff for me that I can listen to and watch while in hospital. 1 daughter told me the oven had stopped working halfway through cooking her tea.

Roll on tomorrow.

So extremely tired at the minute (even when I’ve just woken up). Unless your going through this yourself no one understands the type of feeling. But luckily I have no pain at the minute so the days are slightly easier to get through. Only my heart skips a beat if either of my phones should dare to ring …

In Robyn’s post tonight she says she is not able to look after or cook for me and I replied saying I could look after myself. Well my other daughter Leah had to come to my rescue tonight because I almost set fire to the kitchen (by turning the wrong ring on the hob and melting two plastic salad bowls) 🚒

Hmm maybe I can’t be trusted 😦

Jobs, jobs, jobs! Then an argument over some drawers, a walk home in the freezing cold, a bit more chaos, then a nice Chinese takeaway for my dinner!!

Woke up Monday morning – didn’t feel too well 😦 Began to feel better as the day went on, then the extremely painful hand cramps started, just as I was trying to get some more things done around the house.

Have felt quite isolated today 😦 must make sure I get out for a bit tomorrow. Hope I feel well enough.

For my dinner this evening I made myself a bit of comfort food. I had egg and chips!! Not very healthy I know but sometimes you just have to eat something that you fancy. Another reason I chose this is because it was my mums favourite meal. You had good taste mum 🙂 Miss you …