Friday 1st April
April Fools Day. A day which is celebrated every year by playing practical jokes on other people and I normally have always tried to catch Robyn and Leah out first thing in the morning. But today I couldn’t even begin to think about what I could do π
I seem to be having a bit of a hard time in my head at the moment. I am feeling quite guilty that I am not doing anything amazing like climbing a mountain or running a marathon. I am just going to work, trying my best to keep up with the housework, going out every now and again, and even just doing those things tires me out! I mentioned to Robyn how I was feeling and she said ‘but your living a normal life now’ and I guess that’s maybe how I need to think of it and what organ donation is basically all about – ‘An organ transplant may save a person’s life or significantly improve their health and quality of life’ and it has definitely done all those things for me.
I also know a few people that are having a hard time at the moment and I feel so guilty now when other people are ill and I am feeling ‘okay’. Why is it me that is doing so well? I really don’t think it’s fair and it affects me quite badly.
Alex (who was in the bed next to me in the QE after our transplants) was going for a biopsy today as she has been feeling unwell again recently and this was really upsetting me. I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I knew work this morning was going to be tough as my concentration wouldn’t be good. I also wasn’t feeling particularly great myself. I was on a bit of a different planet this morning but I eventually pulled myself together at the last minute and so was then rushing around to get ready.
When I arrived at work, before I had even sat on my till, I saw my friend Sue’s husband John. Sue is having treatment for cancer at the moment. I asked how she was and everything. And then he told me that their daughter has been ill and was at the hospital right now having a scan. Possible cancer too. I couldn’t believe it. That poor family.
And so now this did my head in just a little bit more. I felt so sad and stressed. What a nightmare this morning was so far and it was only 10 o’clock. I really struggled at work and a couple of times throughout the morning I did think about going home, but I made myself keep on and I managed to finish my shift, just about.
When I got home in the afternoon and early evening I was kept busy doing all my jobs as always.
Then later all I wanted to do was collapse on the sofa. What an awful, emotional day in my head it had been, I was exhausted and I was so glad that it was over π
You don’t need to feel guilty for doing well Pinny, you’ve had more than enough of your share of being poorly, it’s your turn to enjoy having some good health while you can π
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Thanks Robyn x
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